nothing is as bad as it seems

i love memes, really i do. while digging through my fb page i found this one from november 2010. my how things change. i posted the one from 2010 then redid it at the bottom. enjoy

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? some cake
2.Where was your profile picture taken? the botanical gardens in albuquerque

3.Can you play Guitar Hero? not really, but i occasionally rock the mic on rock band

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? the odd ducks on ravelry
5.How late did you stay up last night and why? 11, went to bed at 10ish and was asleep by 11, and i was told that i shouldn't talk about those things in public.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?ummmmm, i'm happy where i am, but will be moving in 3 years at the latest.

7. Name one thing you love about your body. i have perfectly aligned teeth, naturally.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? hmmm tara, she's only 6 blocks i think

9. Do you believe exes can be friends? i had a wise person once tell me that it isn't possible because if one of the pair ever hoped for more, then friends then friends would never be enough. it's true

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? love the ones from dublin.

11. If you could do any job in the world what would it be? actor, or own my own coffee/bakery shop

12. Who took your profile picture? I did

13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? the q ball

14. Was yesterday better than today? no, weekends are rough at our house for some reason.

15. Can you live a day without TV? yes, i have a dvr

16. Are you upset about anything? a few things, but this to shall pass

17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? yes, they are worth the lessons we learn both good and bad.

18. Are you a bad influence? depends who you ask.

19. Night out or night in? a night out with a night in.
20. What items could you not go without during the day? sippy cups and disposable diapers.

21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? sweet nettie

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? sorry, chewing butts, how's ur week?.

23. How do you feel about your life? i love it, i am waiting to see what all is in store for the future, but i love it.

24. Do you hate anyone? yes, yes i do

25. Do you like your wedding ring or do you secretly wish it was different? love it, waiting to get it resized so i can wear it again.

26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? without a doubt.

27. Would you ever get some plastic surgery? thinking about it maybe getting the girls back to where they were before kids

28. What song is stuck in your head? love the way you lie

29. Brazilian wax? no thanks not that into pain.

30. Have you ever skinny dipped? several times and i've even chunky dunked.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? mail swap packages

32.Do you think too much or too little? too much.

33. Do you smile a lot? i try to, it makes people wonder

now for the new version

1.What was the last thing you put in your mouth? coffee
2.Where was your profile picture taken? at a wedding reception in Happy, TX

3.Can you play Guitar Hero? not really, but i occasionally rock the mic on rock band

4.Name someone who made you laugh today? my kids
5.How late did you stay up last night and why? midnight, ummm still not talking about it in public, and i was looking up my next tattoo.

6.If you could move somewhere else, would you?in a heartbeat. i would love a house, with enough room to stretch out some and a fenced yard.
7. Name one thing you love about your body. i have perfectly aligned teeth, naturally.

8. Which of your friends lives closest to you? hard to say, not sure mile distances of my friends, but most of them are very far away
9. Do you believe exes can be friends? i had a wise person once tell me that it isn't possible because if one of the pair ever hoped for more than friends, then friends would never be enough. it's true. i should add that i was told this in high school

10. How do you feel about Dr Pepper? love the ones from dublin.

11. If you could do any job in the world what would it be? actor, or own my own coffee/bakery shop

12. Who took your profile picture? it was taken at a wedding about a year and a half ago.
13. Who was the last person you took a picture of? sprout
14. Was yesterday better than today? so far today is better.

15. Can you live a day without TV? yes, seasons are almost all over, so it will just be repeats for several months
16. Are you upset about anything? yes, but am finding resolutions to them
17. Do you think relationships are ever really worth it? yes, they are worth the lessons we learn both good and bad.

18. Are you a bad influence? depends who you ask, i think the pink hair throws people off.

19. Night out or night in? a night out with a night in, i actually still agree with this answer.

20. What items could you not go without during the day? disposable diapers.
21. Who was the last person you visited in the hospital? pattylicious

22. What does the last text message in your inbox say? good for him!
23. How do you feel about your life? currently in a bit of a funk, but life is good. i wish that some things were different, but the only person i can make do anything is me.
24. Do you hate anyone? more than i did when i orignally filled this out
25. Do you like your wedding ring or do you secretly wish it was different? love my ring, have lost enough weight that it will fit again, now to get it fixed from where it was cut off
26. Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass? sure would.

27. Would you ever get some plastic surgery? yes, and have been thinking more about it the thinner i get 

28. What song is stuck in your head? just give me a reason, that's where the title is from. i love a song about reconcilliation
29. Brazilian wax? nope,  doesn't sound like much fun to me

30. Have you ever skinny dipped? several times and i've even chunky dunked.

31. Name something you have to do tomorrow? pay bills
32.Do you think too much or too little? way too much and i have the tendency to overthink things

33. Do you smile a lot? not as much as i once did, but i'm working on it

i think it is funny how some of the answers haven't changed at all and some have changed quite a bit. it feels good to look back and see where i was, so i can look forward to see where i want to be.
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i don't know where i belong

as a sahm i sometimes feel overwhelmed by the amount of things that need to be finished daily. there is the laundry, dishes, cooking, cleaning and loving on the wee ones. i usually find myself more concerned with the loving and playing than on the rest, and this results in a messy house.  we have the kids help with the house and Saturday is "cleaning day". i know as a kid our house was immaculate, and it was because my brother and i kept it that way. i don't want my kids to feel the way about housework that i do, so i tend to want to help them make it more enjoyable.  generally housework results in bad attitudes and fighting because "________ isn't helping and that's not fair".  I'm curious about how the rest of you help to build relationships between the kiddos. i have lots of friends who are extremely close to their siblings and i have to admit I'm a bit jealous. i want my kids to have those bonds because i don't. it is one of the rare instances that I'm attempting to "live through my kids". i want them to cherish family and have family to cherish. this is one of the big reasons we moved back "home". we would love large family dinners and grilling. it hasn't worked out the way we had hoped.

 sisters should love each other right? these two crack me up when they get to laughing and playing together and it gives me hope that perhaps there is a chance of friendship.

q is such a great big brother. i had put sprout's hair into pigtails and monkey got to calling her the love bug, she had a love bug on the front of her dress and the antennae looked just like the pigtails. q decided he too wanted to be a love bug, so there you have it. the princess is laughing in the background because it really was quite comical to see.

the kids love being outside and they love helping with our plants. when our first set of roses bloomed they were huge. q thought they smelled super pretty.

monkey has played all the sports this year and tennis seems to have been her favorite. she and her partner took 1st place at district in doubles.  i got myself a racket so that we can practice over the summer. i think i may get rackets and balls for the little ones as well so they can go whack around while we practice.

this past month I've really been struggling with a lot of things. questioning myself and my choices. i fall into self doubt most when my kids act like, well kids. q is so busy and rambunctious, and i find myself wondering if school will be an absolute nightmare for him. he doesn't like to sit still for long, at all, and I'm hoping that we can work on it over the summer and next year. i wonder what I've done "wrong" or not done at all. i see other little boys who are so "well behaved", or at least they appear to be. i understand that all kids are different and he's 100% boy. i think that adding more schedule will help us all out, so let the fun begin.

some days i can't even trust myself

i find myself looking and wondering why i haven't been blogging, and all i can think is I've become too busy with myself. i started weight watchers on January 21 and i have rewarded myself for weight lost.  i lost 10% of my starting weight and my reward was a new fancy haircut.  it's the first professional haircut I've had in almost 15 years, and i love it.

then my sweet hubby and i escaped to New Orleans for a few days with out kids. it was absolutely fantastic. four days of adult time was just what we needed. we got to just concentrate on us and we will be going on another trip again soon.

i decided it might be fun to have funky hair color to go along with my new weight, so i went aqua. i loved it, so different from the norm. I've really been working on my accepting myself. I'm a different kind of girl and always have been. I've tried to shove myself into the "normal" mold for so long that i almost forgot how amazing God made me.

 I've decided that i like me and i want to be me. that means funky hair and make-up. I've been really working to make myself something  every month.  this past month i made this little tank. it was a size smaller than i expected and 2 sizes smaller than in January.

i also decided that it might be fun to do pink hair for my first 5k. it was a komen fun run in April. i ran more of it than i walked, so i am proud of myself. i need to keep up the work, but it was a good cause.

i have been in a deep funk for the last month. I've been wondering what to do to get myself out of it. I've decided less fb and more blogging will be the first step. I've also decided that more thankfuls are needed in my life. here i am with my first list.

I AM THANKFUL FOR:

1.  laughter- there is so much pain in the world, so many tears are shed every day and i am so glad for the laughter.  my kids are constantly making me laugh.

2.  books- my kids are all turning out to be readers and I'm so thrilled that i have passed my love on to them.  the librarians know us and are always so excited to see my kids with the pile of books each of them carries to check out

3.  contacts- i got contacts last week for the first time and i am loving them. now all my cool/funky make-up can be seen.

4.  my hubby- he is so supportive of my and my attempt to get healthier. i am so glad that God sent him my way

5.  crafts- it feels so good to be able to make things with own hands.

6.  good food-  I'm learning with eating less that i really appreciate food. I'm learning to enjoy good for me food that also tastes good.

7.  friends- i am so blessed with such a great group of friends. they are such a great support for me when i get all funky.

8.  heels- i love the way they make me feel and look. the kids got my 4 new pair for mother's day. they were on bogo, so i got 4 instead of 2.

9.  dancing- i love to dance and my sweet hubby has been trying to take me out more often.

10. love- the love i feel for my kids, the love i have for my hubby, the love they return to me, and the love that made the world and then saved it.

i hope that everyone has a great weekend.

i go out walking after midnight

sorry i missed a week for the update on my running. last week was Christmas, so i decided i would finish dinner with the family before i went for my run. the best laid plans....i took a step off the porch to sit and watch the kiddos play and twisted my bum right ankle. there was no running for me. Thursday i did go walk, it was slower than i would prefer, but i did go. we walked about 2 miles, so not too bad. Saturday we walked 16 laps, oh yeah that's 4 miles baby. my ankle was feeling a little sore, but not too bad. then yesterday while getting ready to get little miss her present i stepped on one of her wooden puzzle pieces and twisted the same bum ankle again. ugh, now I'm wearing my ankle brace around the house and feel like a complete dolt. I'm hoping to walk tomorrow and Thursday and get back to running again on Saturday. i know better than to push my ankle more than it wants to go. hope the new year finds you happy and cheerful for the year to come.