what is love? baby don't hurt me, no more

this past week a terrible tragedy struck in a small town in Connecticut. 20 small children were taken to heaven. it struck a nerve for me because i have a little girl, princess, who is the same age as those children. I'm going to sound callous for a moment, please read til the end before you knickers get completely knotted up. how many children die every day from starvation world wide? how many die at their parents hands? how many sweet lives are stopped before they even take a breath? how many children are murdered in the war torn areas of the world? and why don't we mourn for them? where is our outrage over their little lives being snuffed out? do we as Americans feel this more because it "could have been our kid"? the hubby and i have been discussing this quite a bit since the shooting on Friday. I'm not trying to down grade what happened because it is horrific. what i wonder is...if we became outraged over all the innocents that die could we do more for the world. if we learned from what is going on all over the world could we change it? there have been a lot of misrepresentations on the news about the man responsible for this atrocious act. i have to say i am outraged about the way his mother has been depicted on the news. is she not a victim of this too? did she not lose her life too? how do we know she didn't try to stop him? do any of us really want to think our children are capable of something like this?

i have read several comments that "kids with those problems should be monitored" or "people with those kinds of disorders should be put away". really? what problems are those exactly? the news is throwing out that it was his "aspergers" that made him react that way. excuse me? I've known several kids who are on the autism spectrum and now I'm pissed that anyone would imply they need to be "monitored or locked up". do any of you know that is what Hitler did, yep i went there. he seemed to think if weren't perfect, his definition of perfection, then you didn't deserve to live. I'm sorry i can't go there. life is beautiful and the thought that a child should be locked up because there brain functions differently than yours enrages me. did the killer show sociopathic tendencies, maybe, but i once had a teacher use me as an example in front of the entire class as a sociopath. he seemed to think i was a classic case of one and he probably wasn't too far off the mark. i believe truly that each person chooses who we are. we can choose to give in to the past that wants to keep us evil, or we can find the peace that passes understanding and move forward. that's right i just put God in the mix.

i truly believe "that but by the grace of God go i." I've read the statistics of what i should be according to studies and psychology. the picture isn't pretty. a child of divorce that was raised in an abusive home that was abandoned at a critical time in her life. yeah, the odds were completely against me, but God had bigger plans. i raise my kids to know Him and i truly believe that if the world would take the focus off of "me, me, me" and "want, want, want" that we could change it. I'm often asked why we have so many kids, we only have 4, and my response is "i think that it is important to fill the world with intelligent Christians". I'm trying to put light into a very dark world. what if all parents spent a little more time hugging their kids instead of turning on the electric babysitters. what if we raised our sons to be gentlemen and our daughters to be ladies? what if we truly focused on our marriages and our families? the best way we can honor those lives lost in Connecticut is to raise our children in God's love. raise them to see the world through His eyes. raise them to be thankful for all the blessings we have.

i know that was quite a tirade, but i needed to get it out of my brain. i kept trying to type out my thankful list and it just wouldn't come. I'm feeling better for clearing my head, so if you are still with me and not wanting to string me up-then please feel free to join me for some thankfulness.

I AM THANKFUL FOR:

1. the ability to speak my mind- i am grateful that i live somewhere that i can speak freely about God and my faith. there are many who are put to death for such a thing

2. love- i am thankful for the love that God felt for me to send his son for me.

3.  my family- i am thankful that i am so blessed with the love that they give me.

4.  freedom- to live how i choose and worship how i choose

5. friendship- especially those that pray for me so regularly

6.  my hubby- tomorrow we will celebrate 14 years marriage

7.  my health- I'm getting healthier by the day and i am glad that God has given me the opportunity to do so

8.  cool weather- it is finally cool here

9.  hot tea- warms me up inside and out

10. the ability to cook- tomorrow we will buy everything needed for the tamale feast for Christmas

i am thankful that i get to share my love of Christ with all who read this

they do run run run, they do run run

i told you that i would let you know how the "retraining" was going, and...wow this is tough stuff. being as out of shape as I've let myself get and as heavy as I've let myself get is making this effort very difficult. I'm taking it one step at a time, but some of those steps are slower than i want. we did a timed mile for starters on Saturday and monkey came in at 11 minutes and 36 seconds, woohoo for her. that's right someone start the wave. she would have finished faster, but she decided to jog/walk with me for half a lap. i finished my mile in 14 minutes and 55 seconds. i did my best to jog/run the curves and only walk on the straights. i kept to the middle lane for this endeavor as well, so i got a little extra length in my jog. i only ran until i started to feel like i wash pushing too hard, i know that if i get past my "point" i will be sick for several days attempting to recoup. i am learning to read my body's signals as to how long and how much is OK for me. i am also staying positive. i shouldn't expect myself to be able to keep up/compete with people who are in a healthier state of being than i am.

that's an important part for me. i am a perfectionist and i want to be the best at everything i do. this may come with time, but it will not be a quick thing. it will take me time, energy, and the willpower to keep going. will there be days that i want to quit, oh yeah, and that's when my cheerleaders will cheer their loudest. yeah, i called in my friends to keep me going. they are an amazing group capable of great things, so I'm glad they've agreed to take up cheering me on. I've really been trying to keep positive about myself while reshaping and retraining my body and mind. i didn't get to be where i am over night, nor should i expect to get where i want to be overnight. instead of saying "I'm so fat and this is too hard", I'm shouting "i just need to retrain myself to choose better."

Sunday afternoon i did a 30 minute yoga workout that i got from walmart on DVD. it has 2 programs flow and hatha. i did the the hatha program and was amazed at how much i liked it. i felt so relaxed and limber. i have never done yoga before, so i wasn't really sure what to expect. I'm excited about doing the flow program tomorrow. I'm trying not to "over work" my body, but at the same time keep it in motion so it doesn't lock up. i decided to take yesterday as a "rest" day as recommended and woke up barely able to walk today. yeah, that's not going to work if i need to chase down little sweeties.

today i went for day 2 of "retraining" and i walked a lap before my "instructor" arrived. when she got there the real fun began. we did a 3 minute walk and then we (ran 1 minute, walked 1 minute) 10 times. wow that keep running business is tough. when i finished i was 1 tired girl, but i did it. i didn't stop, not once, which is pretty good for a pre-beginner such as me. i plan on meeting a friend for a good walk tomorrow and then Thursday back to the track for retraining. i am noticing little changes already, like junk food doesn't look as appealing as it did last Tuesday. I'm drinking LOTS of fluids. oh yeah, i weighed myself this morning and I've lost 5 pounds. i know, I'm a bit blown away. i completely expected to put on weight before it began to drop off.

again i say thanks for keeping up with me, i hope to do this every "track star Tuesday". I'm loving the motivation to be healthier.

progress report
mile 14 minutes 55 seconds
weight 225

so hold my hand, i'll walk with you my dear

 this is a two parter. first i will do a pictorial thank you list.

1. i am thankful for imaginations- the kids picked their costumes and had the best time dressing up. monkey did her costume on her own and was particularly proud of her Artemis costume.

 2. team work- monkey has decided to be in sports this year. volleyball has ended and basketball season has begun. I'm so excited to see monkey learning to be a team player

 3. family trips- we went to Louisiana with for a work trip for daddy. the kids had no use for most of it 

4.hugs- my kiddos give some of the best hugs on earth

5. kids who help- daddy was gone for over a week and the kids and i made chai and several other fun things.

6. getting older- I'm thrilled to be getting older, it is a privilege denied to many.

7. smiles- the princess has now lost 7 teeth and is about to lose another one

8. being a mom- 13 years ago i was blessed with monkey and my world hasn't been the same

9. silliness- wee sprout is an endless supply of silly in our house

10. the chance to stay home- it isn't the easiest job, but it has been the most rewarding

things here have been really busy. between games, band and school we have been going nonstop. monkey made symphonic band in all region and she loved it. on to the second part of the blog.....monkey has decided that she wants to do cross country next year and would like to start running 5ks. i am her biggest cheerleader and told her that i was super proud of her and would call our youth minister's wife, she's a runner, to see if she would help her. monkey looked at me and said "mom i would really love it if you would do them with me." ummm, I'm not a runner, never have been. she was so sincere and i said that i would. so i will be using my blog to keep you guys updated on our progress. I'm curious to see how  i will do. I'm very overweight and very out of shape, so this could be really painful for me. so for beginner stats here we go

week 1: weight 230

mile run,hahahaha, 14 min 32 sec

our youth minister's wife told me that i needed to have something to beat, so i "ran" my mile. really i walked it briskly. i told you i was out of shape and overweight.

i would love for any of you who read this to support me with words of encouragement. a sort of "holding my hand" as i start this journey

help me rhonda, help help me rhonda

things have been a bit crazy here. we found a new place to live and that has been super exciting.  we found the place and were completely moved in 4 days. we're still recovering. it has 3 bedrooms and 2 bath, the bonus of a little bit of a yard and room for a dining table are wonderful. we have almost double the space we did in the apartment, i even have room for my sewing machine to stay out and available for use. we are so happy with our new little place. we are working hard to get the yard grass covered and wonderful. we also got our van back, finally, after only 2 months in the shop. we are so grateful that my fil had vehicles we could borrow until we got it back.

i am aware that i have an extreme hesitance to ask for help. i am always willing to ask for prayer, which is an amazing help, but physical showing up help- not so much. we were discussing this at church on Wednesday and we were discussing why that is. i am usually at the front of the line to offer help when needed/wanted, but it doesn't occur to me to ask for physical help until the deed is finished.

I'm sure you can deduce that we didn't ask for help with the move. it didn't occur to us that we really needed help. finch and i could lift the heavy stuff and the kids had a blast "helping" carry all the little things. there we many reasons discussed as to why we lack the capacity to ask for aid. it was suggested that it was our pride that gets in the way. i will agree that my pride kept me from wanting anyone near the apartment we were living in. i think a huge part of our problem is that we just don't like people, any people, handling our things. i don't like people touching my things, think the golem from lotr. i know mine stems from living in a children's home as a child. i am willing to share with others, but only when i offer it. feel free to dig through my kitchen cabinets and fondle the yarn and craft books, but please don't go through my personal things. i don't even like my dearest of friends going through my things.


when i spent last summer packing in happy, i didn't ask for any help other than some company. i don't think that my mess is any one's chore but my own, so why would i subject people i love to that insanity. funny enough we did think to call and ask if people were available to help with the kiddos. we weren't sure who would be able to handle all 4 of them at once, so we just included them in the fun. i had a friend in happy that i would ask for help regularly when i needed a sitter for the kiddos, but i just don't ask that often. at the time she only had to keep the princess and q. i should mention her daughter and princess were the best of friends at school.  my dear friend pattylicious was always my go to when i needed help, but now she's beyond the distance available to help.

i understand my hesitation for asking for help, i have a few trust issues, but my sweet hubby is not known to ask for help either. he says a good part of his is that he just doesn't know anybody here that he trusts enough to ask for help. i know that i don't like to feel as though I'm beholden to anyone and very often when you ask for help that is exactly what happens. "oh hey, you remember that time i helped you, so now could you do ...." if i help i do so because i want to not because I'm obligated to. so i guess I'm just curious if anyone else struggles with asking for help.

i've looked for you forever and a day

 i was recently reminded that it had been forever since i blogged last. I've just lost my desire to blog i guess. i figure nobody reads it anyway so what's the point? the point is there are people who read this and love to see the blessings that have flowed down upon my family. we've been so busy the last few months. in may i got to see my sweet princess be promoted to 1st grade. it made me a bit sad to think how quickly she is growing, but I'm so excited to see the person she is becoming.  

 we've watched lil sprout grow and grow. monkey got to go on a trip with the band to fiesta Texas and brought the wonder woman outfit home for sweetness.

daddy sure loves this little chunky water monkey. she loves the water and insisted daddy let her stomp and splash at the beach.

my handsome lil man turned 3. I'm really not sure where the time has gone because it seems like just yesterday he was my chunky baby monkey. he is such a little boy. he's so full of energy and curiosity and i love to watch his mind work.

my darling monkey was inducted into njhs. I'm so proud of the woman she's becoming. she is so smart and so funny. she is also the "defender of the weak", even when she could easily be one of the "cool" kids. many a day she came home upset because the popular/cool kids were picking on a girl, so she defended the girl and was rewarded with the ire of the other kids. i love her so much and i hope she always feels the need to stick up for the underdog.

my sweet baby is now crawling and pulling up, at 7 months. we are still waiting to see what all God has in store for us down here. i will try to take time away from my crochet to start blogging again.

thank you, thank you, thank God for you

things are so much busier around here now that we have added another wee one to the group. how is it that time goes by so fast? she will be 4 months old very soon. my sweet princess is now 6 and my sweet lil man will be 3 in may. i think that it is imperative that i keep up with my thankful list, so that i don't let myself slip into the blahs.

I AM THANKFUL FOR:

1. sisterly love- they had so much fun at blackbeard's on our trip to corpus during the short Easter break
2. good clean fun- the state aquarium has a new splash pad and the kids LOVE it. q was especially fond of the water cannons

3. the men in my life- these two finches are my favorite men. i am so blessed that q has such a great daddy

4. the little happy things- on our way to corpus finch surprised us with some yummy coldstone ice cream. the kids were elated

5. new discoveries- sprout, i think we need to figure out her blog name any ideas?, is developing all kinds of fun new things. right now fist chewing is a favorite.

6. family time- we took the kiddos to port aransas and they loved it. love to spend time having fun with the family

7. my kiddos- it is so easy to get frustrated with them, but i really don't know what i would do without them.

8. humor- only in texas will you find a drive thru liquor and gun store. we drive past this sign on our way to and from the beach.

9. firsts- this was sprout's first trip to the ocean and she really enjoyed the water. there are so many firsts in our lives and i need to remember to enjoy them all.

10. smiles- the princess loves the beach. when we went to aransas she was very excited that there were tons of shells on the beach, and she spent her whole time collecting and showing them off. we are planning a camp out on the beach, so she can get first crack at the shells early in the morning.

I'm learning so much these days. i really need to get back on here more regularly to share the goodness with the few of you who still follow. well, it's time to go grab the girls from school. i hope that everyone has a great weekend.

i'm not who i once was

what a week this has been. my sweet finch has been at sales training for the majority of the week and it has been rough being solo here at home. here goes the my list of thankfuls for the week.

I AM THANKFUL FOR:

1. my sweet monkey: she compete in 2 events this year for UIL. she won 1st in both of the events.


2. church family- we joined the local baptist church a few weeks back. what an amazing group of people . they have been so kind and inclusive the moment we began attending. they have welcomed us in and showered us with kindness. i am so thankful for this group.

3. friends- my sweet friend pattylicous made a trip down to visit and we had such a great time. sprout was particularly fond of her and had many wonderful conversations with her.


4. baby giggles- yes she is already smiling and giggling. she finds her siblings to be particularly funny

5. handmade goodness- pattylicous made this beautiful blankey for sprout. she loves her blankey.

6. text messages- sometimes it is the only way i get to communicate with my friends. I'm just glad there is a way to say hey without trying to scream over my screaming darlings

7. daddy time- all my kids have loved their daddy time.

8. mail- I've been way behind on checking it, but yesterday i got 4 packages. tons of happy in the mailbox

9. girl time- one thing the girls can agree on is that sprout needs lots of love and snuggles.

10. rain- we had a crazy storm here yesterday. school started 2 hours late due to the storm. the rain is such a blessing to this area, so as the song says "i will praise you in this storm". i am thankful for the moisture and thankful that we didn't have any damage to our apartment.

i hope that everyone has a great and blessed weekend.

oh baby baby

wow, where does time go? the last bit of 2011 flew by for us. my sweet friend pattylicious had her appendix removed, so i drove up to keep her company while she was in the hospital. the 10 hour drive was not a lot of fun because i was very pregnant. my sweet hubby made sure the kids were well taken care so that i could make the trip. after that trip was monkey's 12th birthday, then turkey day, then Christmas was here before i knew it. i was so excited for 2011 to be over i could hardly contain my joy as the new year approached. i knew that our sweet sprout would be making her way into the world at some point in January, so the year already held an immense joy. at midnight my water broke and the new year brought a new little girl into our family. a quick thankful list while she naps and q watches little einsteins.

I AM THANKFUL FOR:

1. big brothers- he is such a big helper and loves his sister so much already.

2. my hubby- he has been so helpful and i can hardly wait to see what the new year has in store for us.

3. snuggles- there has been A LOT of snuggling going on in the house the past few weeks


4. laughter- there has also been A LOT of laughing in our house the past few weeks.

5. church family- we have found a wonderful group of believers who have taken us in and welcomed us as family. some of the members watched the kiddos for us while i was at the hospital having sprout. the kids loved the bath at gigi's and grumpy's house

6. moving forward- the Lord is moving in our lives and pushing us forward to greater things. i can see where he has been opening doors and putting people in our path. i am so excited to see what he has in store for this year.

7. sisterly love- i have friends who are super close to their sisters, and i have to admit I'm a bit jealous. my sister and i are not close and we never have been. i pray daily that my girls will be friends as they grow.

8. baby noises- the sweet sounds that new babies make are truly gifts from God.

9. our sweet lil sprout- she was born at 7:57 am on 1-1-12. she weighed a tiny 7 pounds 11 ounces and was 18 1/2 inches long. it was love at first sight.

10. the grace of God- He has showered me and my family with it and i am so thankful for His love, grace and mercy.

i hope that this year brings blessings and joy to you.