we're just a family of finches making our way in the town w/o a frown.

Friday, September 21, 2012

help me rhonda, help help me rhonda

things have been a bit crazy here. we found a new place to live and that has been super exciting.  we found the place and were completely moved in 4 days. we're still recovering. it has 3 bedrooms and 2 bath, the bonus of a little bit of a yard and room for a dining table are wonderful. we have almost double the space we did in the apartment, i even have room for my sewing machine to stay out and available for use. we are so happy with our new little place. we are working hard to get the yard grass covered and wonderful. we also got our van back, finally, after only 2 months in the shop. we are so grateful that my fil had vehicles we could borrow until we got it back.

i am aware that i have an extreme hesitance to ask for help. i am always willing to ask for prayer, which is an amazing help, but physical showing up help- not so much. we were discussing this at church on Wednesday and we were discussing why that is. i am usually at the front of the line to offer help when needed/wanted, but it doesn't occur to me to ask for physical help until the deed is finished.

I'm sure you can deduce that we didn't ask for help with the move. it didn't occur to us that we really needed help. finch and i could lift the heavy stuff and the kids had a blast "helping" carry all the little things. there we many reasons discussed as to why we lack the capacity to ask for aid. it was suggested that it was our pride that gets in the way. i will agree that my pride kept me from wanting anyone near the apartment we were living in. i think a huge part of our problem is that we just don't like people, any people, handling our things. i don't like people touching my things, think the golem from lotr. i know mine stems from living in a children's home as a child. i am willing to share with others, but only when i offer it. feel free to dig through my kitchen cabinets and fondle the yarn and craft books, but please don't go through my personal things. i don't even like my dearest of friends going through my things.

when i spent last summer packing in happy, i didn't ask for any help other than some company. i don't think that my mess is any one's chore but my own, so why would i subject people i love to that insanity. funny enough we did think to call and ask if people were available to help with the kiddos. we weren't sure who would be able to handle all 4 of them at once, so we just included them in the fun. i had a friend in happy that i would ask for help regularly when i needed a sitter for the kiddos, but i just don't ask that often. at the time she only had to keep the princess and q. i should mention her daughter and princess were the best of friends at school.  my dear friend pattylicious was always my go to when i needed help, but now she's beyond the distance available to help.

i understand my hesitation for asking for help, i have a few trust issues, but my sweet hubby is not known to ask for help either. he says a good part of his is that he just doesn't know anybody here that he trusts enough to ask for help. i know that i don't like to feel as though I'm beholden to anyone and very often when you ask for help that is exactly what happens. "oh hey, you remember that time i helped you, so now could you do ...." if i help i do so because i want to not because I'm obligated to. so i guess I'm just curious if anyone else struggles with asking for help.


mzzterry said...

I do, I am fairly sure both of my daughters are the same way. Not so much a pride issue as it is a control issue on my part. It is my "stuff" and I don't want anyone else invading my privacy by knowing all of the secrets that my "stuff" might tell, just by examining them. I also just don't want folks around. Kevan and I pretty much handle all of the crisis in our life alone,together. There are probably deeper reasons for this than I want to admit, but I am sure my controlling nature is #1.

MissPeaBody said...

Being that I am a control freak, I've learned that there are somethings I just have to close my eyes to. Having been the queen of moving over the course of 6 years, it has taken me that long to realize it is hard to depend on other yet some times you must. Since I am single I have to depend on others. Thankfully I have friends that love me and will do these horrible thing such as move me across a state or two.
Anyway, an idea for you missy is to start by finding something small that you could ask for help with. Planting a new garden in the spring or pricing for a garage sale. (not picking the stuff to sale). Eventually you can ask for help in bigger more important things. I love it when you let me help you. ;-)