Wednesday, December 3, 2008
soon enough you're to think of me and how i used to be
from time to time i fall into what i call "the funk" or "the blahs". it isn't really depression so much as a general sense of blah.my mom calls it "the grays", she says that it isn't as serious as "the blues", but sometimes much darker. she says that when she falls into them she feels like eeyore always saying "i'm gray". i asked my mom what brings her's on, and she said she's not really sure that they occur at the most random times. i'm not ever sure what brings them on or how long they'll last, but man i really need to shake them. what is really strange is that they don't occur at times when i should be sad or distracted. sometimes during wonderful times when i have nothing to be sad about, but still i find myself distracted. i think that the thankful lists are my way of trying to stave off the weird mood i often find myself in. i say that the lists must have worked because until recently i haven't had "the blahs" in almost a year or so. well, this has been somewhat cleansing, hey as rob thomas sings in his song unwell "i'm not crazy, i'm just a little unwell." the song is on my playlist if you aren't familiar with it. that is kind of how i've felt the last few weeks, so i'll keep trying to find the me i like to be. sorry if this has been a bit of a bummer, but i needed to empty my ever full mind. don't worry tomorrow i will have a thankful list, and i'll keep smiling until it doesn't feel quite so forced.